Keeping It Fair

There are many things I feel ill-prepared for when it comes to being a mother and bringing up children. For example, I don't really enjoy cooking. It's sorta a dirge for me. I loathe meal planning. When hubby and I were first married, well, I don't think I really cooked much at all. We'd either eat out, or scrounge up something from what was in the fridge. Now suddenly I find myself with the responsibility of not only feeding 4 little mouths, but feeding them GOOD THINGS. Whole grain, trans fat, organic, gluten free, HCFS, low carb, no sugar... it's enough to make your head spin. Too much pressure! I'm getting better, meal planning and grocery list making, but it's still a chore.

Or how about the lack of sleep? I knew when I had my first bundle of pink that I wouldn't be getting much sleep in the beginning. You know lack of sleep is one of the great horror stories that mommies who have had more experience LOVE to scare new preggos with. Right up there next to labor stories. So I knew that going in. No sleep. Check. What I wasn't prepared for what how long it would last. All four of my princesses sleep through the night now, and yet I still don't. I still wake up and tiptoe into their rooms, tucking them under their covers which had gone askew, brushing their hair out of their faces, or in Princess #3's case, picking her up off the floor and putting her back in her bed. I'm beginning to think that this nightly ritual that I'm somehow programmed to perform will not ever end. Not until my princesses no longer sleep under my roof and maybe not even then. I wonder if one day I'll find myself brushing the hair off my 18 year old's face as she sleeps peacefully or waking up and breathing a prayer for my newly married princess asleep in her own home. I'd say that's worth the loss of sleep.

Tonight I encountered yet another moment I feel ill-prepared for. The old "fair" argument. As an only child until the age of 12, I'm not accustomed to sibling interaction. I really feel at a loss when my princesses go at it. I haven't quite figured out how much to get involved, if at all. And I haven't figured out how to maneuver around the whole issue of making things "fair" between them. Let's face it, life's not fair, right? And there's no way I'll be able to make EVERYTHING fair between them their whole lives. Doing so wouldn't be fair, because that would mean I was overlooking their very individuality and needs. But at the young ages of 7, 4 and 2 (Princess #4 doesn't care yet), they don't want to be individuals. They want everything to be FAIR. If one has a snack, the other 2 want one too. If one plays a game on the computer, the other 2 want a turn. That in and of itself isn't so bad to negotiate, if not a little annoying. But how do you deal with it when one child truly does deserve something special, and it's not your place to make it "fair"? Tonight, I took Princess #1 to Target per her request, with 4 shiny new quarters in her pocket (remember that tooth?!). She wanted to spend them at the dollar spot. Of course with the other princesses in tow, I knew this would be an issue. I prepared Princess #2 especially as best I could. I let her know that Princess #1 was spending the money the tooth fairy brought her and that it was her money to spend. That mommy was not buying anything at Target tonight. You can guess how well it went over, considering Princess #2 penchant for finding drama in everything. We survived, but I left wondering if I had done right by not "keeping it fair". Poor Princess #1 felt badly, even though I assured her that she didn't need to worry about her sisters' reactions. Yeah, I still feel like I'm muddling through on this one.