Sunday, December 16, 2007

Left Behind

You ever feel like your life has just left you behind?  Like you have all these plans, all these dreams.  And somewhere they must be happening, to someone.  But not to you.  I never seem to have the knack of dreaming up my life the way it actually turns out.  In Jr. High I was going to marry Doug, the boy of my dreams.  We were going to have 2 kids and live where I grew up.  Later, in highschool, I was going to be on Broadway.  I was going to star in Les Miserables as Eponine and sing for a living.  Obviously, neither of those happened.  Later, in college more dreams and aspirations arose and fell and thus has my life continued, never quite playing out the way it had in my mind.  It hasn't all been bad.  I can definitely see purposes for certain seasons in my life, even though if I had a choice I probably wouldn't have gone through them in the first place.

So recently I have found myself in one of those such seasons.  Just waiting, waiting, waiting.  To see how things play out, to see where they lead, to see what's next.  And yet at the same time, I'm tired of waiting for the next thing.  I'm really struggling with finding the balance between finding joy in the present and finding hope in the future.  My 3 princesses obviously bring extreme joy (and at times frustration!).  My husband brings extreme joy (and again, frustration!).  Our current situation is a HUGE answer to prayer on one hand and yet at the same time is still not quite exactly what I was dreaming of.  I wonder if I just dream too big?  What am I looking for exactly?  No answers really I guess.  In my head I know that sometimes God just asks us to wait.  It's getting my heart to embrace that that's hard.

So yeah, this is a downer, totally not related post.  :)  So I'll perk things up at the end here by sharing that Princess 2 has informed me that 3 year olds do NOT wear panties (She turns 3 Christmas Day and I think she has a sneaking suspicion that Your Majesty is plotting to get rid of her beloved diapers, which she would be right.).  I'm formulating my attack as we speak.  I have a feeling it's not going to be pretty.  The Planet is about to be rocked.

2 comments:

  1. I think we all go through phases like you describe. Every night in bed I think to myself that tomorrow I will be more present and stop "waiting." I think winter has a lot to do with it too, honestly. Come spring you'll probably be a woman of action!

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  2. I can totally relate. When do I arrive, when am I there, where IS contentment located, exactly, anyway??? Hugs to you, and to all the people on your planet as you embark on the great potty mission ;-) Your new blog is SO cute!

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