I had a particularly rough evening.
I know, we're only 2 days into summer break and it's already rough.
But this wasn't about the princesses.
It was about me.
I made the mistake of taking a look at our budget and bills this evening, before putting the princesses to bed. Big mistake. Things are a bit bleak financially at the moment. And have I mentioned that I don't compartmentalize well?
That would be a HUGE understatement.
So unfortunately, after looking at a depressing picture, I didn't exactly manage bedtime all that well.
I'm ashamed to say that I raised my voice more times than necessary. I expected perfection from my beautifully imperfect little souls. I needed complete peace in my home to calm the turmoil in my mind. And we all know peace in a home with 4 kids is an impossibility.
I was not nice.
After getting the princesses in bed and saying prayers, I asked forgiveness of my girls. I held the hands of my two big girls while we sang our good night songs. The same three songs we've sung every night since Princess #1 was born. And as we sang, tears rolled down my cheeks.
These precious babies, entrusted to my care, loving me in spite of my shortcomings. How do I deserve so much? I could barely keep it together.
I knelt down to kiss my Princess #2, and as I did she grabbed my hand and stroked my face as it lay close to hers. She wiped the tears from my cheek and whispered her forgiveness:
"You know you can't make any mistakes."
And although on the surface her theology might be a bit off, I think she said exactly what she meant. There's nothing I can do, nothing I can say that would put me beyond her love. No mistake is too big, no error so great that her love can not reach me.
I needed that grace tonight. I need it every single day. Thank you Lord Jesus for that grace. Thank you for showing me through my precious child.