Change of Plans

I was all set to sit down yesterday afternoon and whine and complain about the state of things. We were invited to two Christmas parties scheduled for yesterday evening. And we couldn't go to either because they were "no kids" parties. Do you know how expensive it is to get a babysitter for several hours for 4 kids? Or how hard it is to ask friends to watch your 4 kids for several hours for free, even though they have their own kids and lives to deal with? I'll be honest. I was hurt. I WANTED a night out with hubby. Sans kids. To not be "mommy" for awhile. To just hang with friends and have a good time. Or heck, I would have been satisfied with going to the parties WITH the kids. Just to have a night out. But no. I mean, I get it. I really do. I know not everyone's children are as well behaved as ours (ha!). I understand. But understanding it doesn't mean that it doesn't still sting a bit.

So I was going to go off here about that little situation. I was annoyed. And I was ready to vent. But then, yesterday happened. And it was exactly what I needed.

Normally, Sundays are hard. Like, "I want to crawl back into bed with cotton stuffed in my ears and the blanket over my head" hard. We manage to get ourselves out of the house nearly every day for school or what have you. But for whatever reasons, getting out of the house for church on Sunday is the hardest. The kids are crazed, we can't find the right things to wear, we're racing against the clock. Yesterday was no exception. The princesses were fighting, I was pouting about the aforementioned parties, hubby was downing the coffee. It was one of THOSE mornings.

But by afternoon, something had changed. I'm not really sure what. I think it was a combination of little things over the course of the day. We at lunch together at the table. Hubby played Wii with the girls. We both got to take a little cat nap while Princesses #3 and #4 napped. We worked together on a preschool art project for Princess #2. Hubby decided to not leave me with the kids to go to his work party alone (I think this played a HUGE part in the change in my attitude). We spent the evening together walking through a big light display here in town (and froze our tushies off, but it was worth it!).

We didn't spend a dime. We didn't party with friends. We were "mommy" and "daddy" all.day.long. And it was perfect. It was exactly as it should be. And when the day was over, the princesses were tucked into bed and hubby and I had some time to ourselves, I didn't feel like I had missed out on anything. I didn't feel slighted anymore.

It's hard being a parent. Just. hard. And I think sometimes I get so caught up in wishing for time away. A break. Time off. We always want what we can't have, right? I mean, adult time is important for a mommy and daddy. It keeps you connected. It makes you better parents. I think the adage "if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" is so true in many instances. But I've forgotten, that being with my kids can be just as fulfilling and rejuvenating. Why do I overlook that so much? Why do I feel so entitled to "time away"? Maybe we've (in general) become too consumed with our own time. Doing what we want. With who we want. When we want. Being a parent is about not having your own time anymore. But that doesn't mean you have to give anything up. I think I learned yesterday that although it might not be "my time" and I might not really be the one calling the shots (because let's face it - when kids are in the house, they run the show), I can still be filled up. Hubby and I can still connect.

I'm sure I'll still have moments where I selfishly desire my own time over all else. But hopefully those will be fewer and farther between. Because yesterday was perfect. And I wouldn't mind "sharing" my time like that all the time.