The Tightrope

Tightrope walkers are among my favorite acts at the circus.  I'm amazed at their focus and unwavering balance.  The acts they perform on the thin wire are mesmerizing and terrifying at the same time.  And they do it with such flair and drama.  They make it look so easy.

It's not as easy as it looks, walking that tightrope.  Particularly when that tightrope is called life.

Right now, I'm leaning hard to one side.  I keep putting one foot in front of the other, but some days it takes everything in me to do so.  I wobble.  And I get distracted.  I look to the past and yearn for the carefree PC (pre-children) days.  Then I look to the future and get lost in my hopes and dreams for my babies.

Everyday I'm performing my own amazing acts on my tightrope.  Yet so many days I feel like I'm doing it blindfolded.  And without a safety net.  And I get so caught up in just taking that next step that I fail to see the terrific show playing out all around me.

It's tiring.  I'm worn out.

I guess what I'm really seeking is balance.  I wouldn't give up my current life, obviously.  But I miss a bit of my former PC life.  And overall I don't want to miss the act happening right under my nose.

And I'm discovering that one has to be very deliberate about life when they're a parent.  You can't totally throw yourself into your children, completely disregarding yourself or you'll get burned out.  And you can't allow yourself to elevate your relationship with your children to the point of sacrificing relationships with all others (including the hubs) or you'll find yourself alone.    It's such a tricky line to walk.

I feel a bit off balance, waving my arms out in the air trying to regain steady footing.

So I guess the only thing to do is to keep my eyes straight ahead and put one foot in front of the other.  I'll find my balance again, eventually.

My friends, anyone ever feel out of balance?  Feel like you're desperately wobbling from one side to the other and trying to keep yourself on the rope?