As The Blog Turns...

Obviously, I've been in a blogging drought of sorts.  Mostly self-imposed I think.  And if you look back at my archives you'll see that I tend to do that this time of year.

Lots of factors go into it I think.

One: It's the end of the school year and to say things are CA-RAZY would be an understatement.  We've got recitals and contests and parties and a thousand papers to sign and checks to write and plans to make for the summer.  It's exhausting just writing about it, let alone actually doing it.  Just a side note, I never, ever anticipated how overwhelming this time of year can be when you have multiple kids.  It's one thing to get one child to the right place at the right time.  Multiply that by four and you've got mama rocking in a corner desperately trying to find her happy place!

Two:  I've mentioned before how I hate this time of year, in regards to the weather.  And it actually effects (affects?  Urg.  My AP English teacher should be cringing right now) me emotionally and physically at times.  Not good, I know, but I AM getting better.  In the meantime I often tend to get a bit paralyzed in terms of my day to day and sometimes it's all I can do to just get through the day.  Again, I'm getting better.  But things like my little blog get pushed to the side when I'm dealing with my demons.

Three:  I go through phases where I feel quite inadequate as a blogger, or like I'm not really sure what my purpose is.  No, this is not a pity party nor a plea for compliments.  It's just reality.  Sometimes I just don't feel like there's any point to exposing my every thought in the written word for the whole world to see.  I'm not always sure I know what I want to accomplish.  I have no desire to be seen as a role model or to be a popular blogger. I have no desire to have people flock to me to hear my "how to's" or advice on raising kids.  I have no desire to make it seem as though I've got it all figured out, or even to always allow people to join me on my personal journey's. But sometimes I wonder if I'm not wanting any of those things above, if there's a place for me in the blogging world.   And I think that's my dilemma as of late.  I enjoy writing, but I don't always feel as though I have anything to share, or anything I want to share.  I've been pressuring myself to keep up with the blogging rat race, and quite frankly, it's not fun when you're writing for anyone other than yourself.  Is this a blogger's identity crisis?  Maybe so.  So I've backed off a bit.  Writing only when I feel like it and not guilt tripping myself if I let a whole week go by without a post.

So there you have it.  I feel like a write a post like this about once every 6 months or so.  The pressure is high in my little world right now.  Not in a bad way necessarily, but in a way that requires me to spend more time with my family and less time with my computer.  I'm still around, and I still love to hear from the community of bloggers I've come to know and appreciate.