I know, we're only 2 days into summer break and it's already rough.
But this wasn't about the princesses.
It was about me.
I made the mistake of taking a look at our budget and bills this evening, before putting the princesses to bed. Big mistake. Things are a bit bleak financially at the moment. And have I mentioned that I don't compartmentalize well?
That would be a HUGE understatement.
So unfortunately, after looking at a depressing picture, I didn't exactly manage bedtime all that well.
I'm ashamed to say that I raised my voice more times than necessary. I expected perfection from my beautifully imperfect little souls. I needed complete peace in my home to calm the turmoil in my mind. And we all know peace in a home with 4 kids is an impossibility.
I was not nice.
After getting the princesses in bed and saying prayers, I asked forgiveness of my girls. I held the hands of my two big girls while we sang our good night songs. The same three songs we've sung every night since Princess #1 was born. And as we sang, tears rolled down my cheeks.
These precious babies, entrusted to my care, loving me in spite of my shortcomings. How do I deserve so much? I could barely keep it together.
I knelt down to kiss my Princess #2, and as I did she grabbed my hand and stroked my face as it lay close to hers. She wiped the tears from my cheek and whispered her forgiveness:
"You know you can't make any mistakes."
And although on the surface her theology might be a bit off, I think she said exactly what she meant. There's nothing I can do, nothing I can say that would put me beyond her love. No mistake is too big, no error so great that her love can not reach me.
I needed that grace tonight. I need it every single day. Thank you Lord Jesus for that grace. Thank you for showing me through my precious child.
You inadvertently taught them such a lesson in humility by showing your own humanity and asking their forgiveness. I have been in your shoes soooo many times! I have gone so far as to go back into their rooms to "re-do" our bedtime prayer routine because the first time I did it I was angry and impatient. One cannot pray effectively when angry and impatient! And it always brightens my children and rejuvenates me.
ReplyDeleteAnd I also have a complete meltdown when we put anything on our credit card. It puts me into a tailspin and I can't recover mentally until the card is paid off completely (which can take months!). Every penny spent is scrutinized and over-analyzed by me - including the money my husband spends! It is hard but as the saying goes "Each child is born with a loaf of bread under their arm". God will provide :)
Your girls are lucky to have you!! And that photo of all of you is precious!
I completely and absolutely relate to this post! I dont even know where to begin to explain how many times I have found myself in that situation. And the Holy Spirit is always quick to convict me of my shortcomings, nudging me to take a deep breath and say "Im sorry" to my girls. I had that moment today. Where my blue eyed wonder simply stated "I can never stop loving you." I had to choke back tears right there and then. Thank you for such a great post! All of us can sure learn a lot from our kiddos.
ReplyDeleteI've had my own mommy moments just like this one. A child's love is so unconditional that it's definitely humbling when they let you know they love you no matter what. Great post and beautiful photo of you and your girls.
ReplyDeleteLeave it to kids to bring us back to what truly matters. Love this post.
ReplyDeleteOh goodness this post was beautiful. We all can get wrapped up in the chaos and want that peace in a moment where there is none, but our children are little angels that know what to say at the right time. If I find myself caught up in my own stress and perhaps not saying something right I always make it a point to apologize to my little one. I think that they learn from this too that we mommys can get sad, stressed and upset. Your little princesses are learning to be wonderful strong loving and kind adults from you. I hope all works out and gets better for you my friend. have a good night!
ReplyDeleteMama Hen