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| View of the storm barreling towards my city on Thursday night (photo credit). Thankfully, despite the impressive appearance, no tornado was spawned from this storm. |
The photo above personifies fear for me.
I grew up in tornado alley. I should be one of those that runs outside and looks up as soon as the storm sirens start wailing. And on clear weather days, I sorta am. Storms fascinate me. Unless I'm in the middle of one.
I remember with crystal clear clarity two specific storms. The first one I experienced as a child, about the age of Princess #1. That was when I first realized that thunderstorms were more than just loud. That they could be devastating. I remember huddling in our hallway covered in blankets, and later escaping out to my dad's place of work (which had a basement) as storm after storm barreled toward us that night. I never looked at clouds in the sky the same after that night.
The second storm imprinted in my mind occurred much later, when I was in college. An EF-5 storm (the strongest tornado possible) flattened the southern part of our city. I will never, ever forget seeing my beloved meteorologist on our TV saying "you're going to need to be underground for this one". It still sends chills down my spine.
And yet, I never really knew what fear was and how it can grip you and hold you captive until I had children. Suddenly, this Southern Plains gal finds herself in the middle of storms, the same ones of her childhood, except this time with 4 little ones to protect.
The lack of control I feel in those moments often spirals to extreme anxiety. I feel sick, I feel paralyzed. I begin envisioning trying to hold on to my babies with a storm angrily swirling about us, tearing our home apart. My mind can become a terrifying place.
I'm trying to gain control over that. I can't control the weather. I can't redirect it's path. But I can control how I respond to it. I stay informed about the weather during storm season. Hubs has hinted that I'm probably a teeny bit obsessive about it (ok, alot obsessive), but for me KNOWING what is happening gives me a tiny bit of the illusion of control. Then I feel like I know how to prepare. Our home (as most around here) does not have a basement, and building a storm shelter is financially an impossibility right now (believe me, I've researched!). So we've sought out other safe places to be. We of course have an interior closet to hide in, but if given the opportunity we seek out a more sturdy place. Hubs does this for me, I know, because it's a major inconvenience and kind of a pain in the rear. But he loves me, and knows I feel better when I feel like we are safe.
In addition to knowledge, and preparation, I also spend alot of time praying. On stormy days a prayer is always on my mind. I pray for safety, for peace and mostly for protection of my mind. Much of my anxiety stems from anticipation and fear of what will never be. So I pray that I may focus not on the fear and I work to take control over those poisonous thoughts.
A healthy respect for Mother Nature is not a bad thing I think. I may get teased for not running out to my front porch or flat out ignoring the sirens and warnings altogether. But I know what I need to do for myself and for my family to keep the fear from running my life. And for that I don't apologize. I may be a chicken, but I'm proud of it!
My friends, maybe you don't fear storms, but we all have something in our life that invokes those feelings of anxiety, anticipation and complete lack of control. How do you deal with your fear? Is it something you have to face on a regular basis?
