Monday, January 11, 2010

Word

I'm borrowing this new year's idea from my friend at The Elmo Wallpaper. She assigned herself a word for the year - something to aspire to, reach for, achieve.

I decided to do the same.

My word: SLACK

As in, cutting myself some.

I don't mean to sound flip, although at first glance it might appear so. But really, I've got to learn to give myself a break now and then. I realized one day fresh into the new year, as I was silently scolding myself for getting Princess #1 to her soccer game 15 minutes late, that I have four kids, for crying out loud! Who DOESN'T expect us to roll up a few minutes late now and then?

Why do I beat myself up over a late arrival? At least we made it. An unmade bed? Hey, at least there's a bed to sleep in. Dishes in the sink? Well, that dinner was good wasn't it?

I think I just realized in that moment that all this time I've been holding myself to the same standards I had when I was just newly married, with no children and all the time in the world to get to places on time (even early!), plan exotic meals, make the bed, dust the furniture, and a thousand other little things that have gotten caught up in the vortex that is now my life and are off spinning somewhere so far away that they aren't going to be in reach anytime soon.

I'VE GOT TO LET IT GO.

I have a new normal now. One that involves 4 little ones who demand all of my time plus some. And they deserve it. And I need to stop fretting about the other little things in my life that aren't going to love me back, no matter how many times the bed gets made, or the furniture gets dusted or we get there on time. Inanimate objects aren't really known for expressing affection and I've got 8 little arms that just love to give hugs and cuddle and they especially love it when their mama allows herself to stop for a moment and just savor it. But I know I won't be able to do that, unless I allow myself some SLACK.

So that's my word. And I'm sticking to it.

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