A Little Lost Blogger

If you've followed my blog for any length of time in the last year, you've probably noticed a stark decrease in postings since December.  I've really been wrestling with a few things in my life that I finally decided I was going to deal with, instead of just ignoring.  Addressing those things has cut into my blogging time.

One of those things is my process of becoming a childbirth educator.  I received the books last Spring, and have had grand plans for my progress, but up until this month had I finished a book?  Nope, not even one.  So I've been rededicating nap time to my study time.  I've blazed through 2 books already and am on to my third.  I'm rediscovering the passion that drove me to pursue this line of work in the first place.  I actually look forward to pulling the books out now and learning new things.  But that does take away from time I normally would have spent reading blogs and writing for my own.

The other issue I've been dealing with is carving out quiet time.  I think all of us, in some form or another, need to have quiet time.  For me this time needs to be specifically devoted to reading the Bible and just sitting in God's presence for awhile.  And I have to admit that it has been a loooong time since I've really done that.  At any given moment I can think of a thousand other things that need to be done, pushing out any possibility of actually sitting down and having some quiet reflective time to myself.  A couple of weeks ago, during a period where I was feeling particularly dry and lost, I expressed my frustration to the hubs about how easy it was for him to just sit down at the table with all the chaos going on around him and still focus on God's word.  At the moment I uttered the words "I'm envious" it was as though God spoke to me clearly and said, "Did it feel good to get that out?  Are you ready to stop whining now?"  and then He showed me time I needed to devote to Him.

So I've recently reframed my days to encompass these two very important moments, and somehow in the midst of it I've lost my drive to blog.  I'm conflicted by this very much.  I adore the relationships I've created in the online world, and I so look forward to hearing from readers.  I love to read blogs and comment and validate other writers.  I desire strong connections and reciprocal relationships.  But I know now where I need to focus my energy and time, and I'm not sure how blogging fits into that.

Because let's face it, it's not very fun to put it all out there if no one reads it or responds.  We want people to hear our words and share their own.  That communicative aspect is really what drives blogs to be successful.  But is that possible if you only write every once in awhile?  I guess this is what I'm wrestling with.  If I can only write once or twice a week now (as opposed to nearly every day), and the number of faithful readers I have dwindles down, would it still be fulfilling for me?  Would it still be worth my time?  I know no one can answer that question for me, but I just wanted to throw it out there anyway.

I'm not planning to stop altogether, but I think I need to figure out what I want from this and then go from there.  :-)