Breakthroughs

I've been on quite a little journey with God recently.  I suppose that if you're a follower of Christ, you could say your whole life is a journey with God, but if we're really honest, aren't there specific moments for everyone where you feel like God is definitely trying to teach you something, or speak to you?

That's where I'm at.

I've always been in a relationship with Christ, He's been a constant in my life since a young age.  But there have definitely been times when that relationship has grown stagnant and stale.  Like any relationship, you get out of it what you put in to some extent, and I'm not always great at putting in.  I'd say I was at a real high point when I was in college.  I was focused on my future, and constantly seeking God's will for my life and desiring to walk with Him.  Of course, at that point in my life the most pressing issue on my plate was writing papers and finals.

Life gets a little more complicated than that, doesn't it?

And it's funny how the more complicated it gets, and easily the more I need Him, the less I seem to be able to find time to seek Him.

The first part of this year I knew something needed to change.  I felt lost, like I was spinning my wheels. Directionless.  I knew God, but I felt like He was more of a distant relative or an acquaintance, someone I knew once.  The kind of people you have on your Facebook friend list, but never speak to or reach out to.  And likewise they never speak to you.

Ouch.

It's kind of shocking when you realize it's been awhile since you've heard God speak to you.

I had a list of excuses a mile long.  Reasons why I wasn't hearing from Him, reasons why I just didn't have the time to seek Him.  It was just a bunch of bull.  Just some lame excuses from someone who was too busy trying to do life on her own (unsuccessfully I might add).

I decided it was time to drop the act.  I was at a cross roads.  Either get real and get serious or give it up.  Because the thing is, I know God is calling me to more than just a mediocre life of following Him.  He gave his Son.  He sacrificed Everything... just so I could have a mediocre life?  I think not.  Just so I could mindlessly go through the motions?  No way.

We are all called to a much higher purpose, and I for one am tired of settling for less.

It hasn't been all sunshine and butterflies.  In fact, I'd say that present circumstances have actually gotten more difficult as I've strived to reclaim my relationship with Christ.  But isn't that exactly when God's glory shines brighter?  When I am at my end, then it's no longer me and my own strength but the Holy Spirit living and breathing through me.  And there is hope in that.  And peace.  And joy.  I'm no longer spinning my wheels.  My direction is Him.  And that, in my opinion, is a much better place to be.

My friends, I know this post is not the norm on my blog.  I've always been hesitant to share too much of my heart for Christ, for fear of losing readers who do not share the same love, because I value everyone who spends some of their precious time in my little corner of the world.  But I would be doing myself a disservice if I did not at times share where I'm at spiritually, because it is the core of who I am.  And as this post demonstrates, it is becoming even moreso.  This blog will remain a place where I can express all facets of myself as a mother to 4 princesses.  So that means posts on potty training failures, preteen anxieties, small parenting victories and yes, spiritual breakthroughs.  Because it's all a part of me.  I appreciate your company on this journey called life.  :-)