Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Little Lost Blogger

If you've followed my blog for any length of time in the last year, you've probably noticed a stark decrease in postings since December.  I've really been wrestling with a few things in my life that I finally decided I was going to deal with, instead of just ignoring.  Addressing those things has cut into my blogging time.

One of those things is my process of becoming a childbirth educator.  I received the books last Spring, and have had grand plans for my progress, but up until this month had I finished a book?  Nope, not even one.  So I've been rededicating nap time to my study time.  I've blazed through 2 books already and am on to my third.  I'm rediscovering the passion that drove me to pursue this line of work in the first place.  I actually look forward to pulling the books out now and learning new things.  But that does take away from time I normally would have spent reading blogs and writing for my own.

The other issue I've been dealing with is carving out quiet time.  I think all of us, in some form or another, need to have quiet time.  For me this time needs to be specifically devoted to reading the Bible and just sitting in God's presence for awhile.  And I have to admit that it has been a loooong time since I've really done that.  At any given moment I can think of a thousand other things that need to be done, pushing out any possibility of actually sitting down and having some quiet reflective time to myself.  A couple of weeks ago, during a period where I was feeling particularly dry and lost, I expressed my frustration to the hubs about how easy it was for him to just sit down at the table with all the chaos going on around him and still focus on God's word.  At the moment I uttered the words "I'm envious" it was as though God spoke to me clearly and said, "Did it feel good to get that out?  Are you ready to stop whining now?"  and then He showed me time I needed to devote to Him.

So I've recently reframed my days to encompass these two very important moments, and somehow in the midst of it I've lost my drive to blog.  I'm conflicted by this very much.  I adore the relationships I've created in the online world, and I so look forward to hearing from readers.  I love to read blogs and comment and validate other writers.  I desire strong connections and reciprocal relationships.  But I know now where I need to focus my energy and time, and I'm not sure how blogging fits into that.

Because let's face it, it's not very fun to put it all out there if no one reads it or responds.  We want people to hear our words and share their own.  That communicative aspect is really what drives blogs to be successful.  But is that possible if you only write every once in awhile?  I guess this is what I'm wrestling with.  If I can only write once or twice a week now (as opposed to nearly every day), and the number of faithful readers I have dwindles down, would it still be fulfilling for me?  Would it still be worth my time?  I know no one can answer that question for me, but I just wanted to throw it out there anyway.

I'm not planning to stop altogether, but I think I need to figure out what I want from this and then go from there.  :-)

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9 comments:

  1. We sure do miss you here in Blogland, but I totally understand that a girl has to do what a girl has to do! Make sure to stop in every now and then though! Planet Pink is one of my fave blogs and I might be a little sad without it. :-)

    http://vandylandmommy.blogspot.com

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  2. Good for you for filling yourself with what you sensed you needed or what was missing. I'm so proud of you for pursuing your dream too!

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  3. I love this: "Did it feel good to get that out? Are you ready to stop whining now?" I've had the exact same moment.

    Once a week is fine. I'll still read your blog. You're right that 'popular' blogs need fresh material daily but we're not really in this to be popular, right?

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  4. You are so right my friend. I think I got caught up in believing that in order to be successful I had to be "popular". But I don't define success as being popular in any other area of my life, so why this right? If nothing else I can blog for me.

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  5. I cannot encourage you enough to go where God is calling you and I promise that He will bless you and the works of your hands. I have felt a strong nudge to make sure I keep my blogging in check this year. Last year I blogged nearly every night but, I did it during the only quality time I have with my husband and it was robbing our marriage deeply. God made it clear to me that my me time was stealing away from my husband. Now I try and blog during my daughters first nap as quickly as I can. It is much better this way. I will always enjoy your blog whether you write once r twice a month! You are awesome and we will always be here to cheer you on!!

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  6. Following you from the Nestwork. Cute Blog!

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  7. Hi, my name is Emily and I read your blog. I feel much better now that I've introduced myself! And I must say I relate to a lot of what you're saying, specifically how you are not sure if you want to blog when maybe no one is even reading it. I think it's safe to say that my blog has a loyal readership of zero. Which I'm fine with, since I'm not terribly dedicated to it. But your blog is really something to be proud of and if it makes any difference to you, I read it all the time. Those are the best words of encouragement on that subject that I can offer for now. God bless.

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  8. Aw, I'm so glad you stopped by and said hi! I appreciate your words. I hope you come back and say hi again sometime!

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  9. Good for you. I see my husband reading and see my stacks of books just sitting there collecting dust. I feel envious and never think to just shut my laptop and change things. It's a delicate balance and you are an inspiration.
    xoxo,t

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