Thursday, June 24, 2010

Conflict: The Inner Turmoil

Several weeks ago, I wrote out a whole blog entry related to a situation hubby and I were dealing with, and then deleted it. It felt good to get it out, but not exactly appropriate to share with the whole world.  It led to this post which sat unfinished in my "drafts" folder for probably a month.  I ran across it yesterday and finally finished it.

What I discovered during my little "venting" session, is that I spend so much time helping my princesses learn how to navigate relationships, and yet it's so very hard to actually put those things into practice in my own life.

Adult drama doesn't seem to occur as often as child drama, but when it does it's bigger, meaner and more conniving. And I hate that. Did no one's parents teach them what to do when confronted with a conflict? Did no one carry those lessons into adulthood?

I don't have alot of experience with confrontation because I tend to avoid it. Oh I'm REAL good at running off my mouth and giving people a piece of my mind - when I'm at home alone or have hubby's ear cornered. But actually in person, in the heat of the moment? Um, no. And in some ways I hate that. I'm trying hard to help my princesses learn to walk the line between being compassionate and not being a doormat. It's tough.  Especially when I'm not even sure how to walk the line myself.

Bottom line is, we can't change other people.  We can only look at how we respond to situations and adjust accordingly in a way that is mature, fair and integrity-filled.  Sometimes that means to stand your ground.  Other times that means to turn the other cheek.  I can only hope I have the discernment and confidence to know the difference between the two.

9 comments:

  1. I completely and totally get what you're saying. Adult drama just gets ugly for some reason. We have quite a bit going on in our family right now, and I, like you, have written and deleted many posts about it. Not ready yet to air our dirty laundry (and am also nervous about who may read it). But for whatever reason, at least with us, this adult drama does not go away as fast as the kiddie drama and I'm working on not obsessing over it.

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  2. Oh yes, I agree with what you've written! I guess we have to take it one conflict at a time, and learn as we grow as parents... Hang in there!

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  3. Oh the adult drama. I tend to fall into the doormat category one too many times, but as my wise and wonderful husband likes to say "you don't HAVE to like mean people."

    He has a point in his simplicity.

    Difficult when it's a family member or a person in your circle though. How about killing them with kindness? Toxic people have a way of enjoying the poison they leave in other people's minds - I guess think long and hard if you really have to engage. Sometimes ignoring the situation IS the best answer - kind of like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

    Good thoughts to you.

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  4. I have to tell you that this is a great post and something on the lines of something that just happened to me. I like to be nice all the time and not say anything. But the other day I did say something to someone who was not nice and now I feel bad because I don't like to be at odds with anyone. She was not being nice and I said something about it, but I am the one that ends up feeling bad. I guess because I have a huge heart. I don't know. Confrontation is difficult! Have a good Friday!

    Mama Hen

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  6. Thanks for joining my blog and I must say that it was very refreshing to read your post about inner turmoil. I can't tell you how often I want to share more openly on my blog but, I don't and then I always enjoy it when other people do! Thanks for sharing!

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  7. Your insight about teaching our children to handle conflict is thought provoking. I'm not afraid of confrontation but would like my little girl to be slightly less confrontational than I am. Time will tell as to whether I'll be successful. Have you found any tips in teaching your girls?

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  8. We haven't had a tremendous amount of exposure to conflict with the girls just yet, with the exception of sibling conflict. Princess #1 will just be entering 2nd grade next year, and I imagine that the drama factor will skyrocket shortly because girls are, well, girls are just mean sometimes. We've been coaching Princess #1 with using kind words, and not purposely excluding anyone - basically helping her to avoid conflict from the beginning. I just know though, at some point, we will be thrown head first into the deep end. I'm not looking forward to that!

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  9. Your post is honest and thought-provoking. Teaching our children to handle conflict is no easy task. I've grown up afraid of and avoiding confrontation, and in the last few years learned ways to deal with it. Now I'm being put to the test and had a few to deal with recently, and I didn't do so well! The good thing is I can try again and hopefully remember what I learned, lol.

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