SUMMER!!

My first thought is, "YAY! We get to sleep in!"

My second thought is, "Crap. Now what do we do?"

Do you know how freaking expensive summer can be? Swim lessons, dance camps, trips to the pool, movies, the blasted ice cream truck, mindless trips to Target that result in $100 bills for some strange reason...

I was trying to remember what I did all summer as a kid. Because I sure as heck know that my parents didn't spend a fortune each summer trying to keep me entertained. I don't remember just sitting in front of the TV all day long either. I think I mostly was out and about on my bike. I used to ride around the neighborhood with a couple of friends of mine, scoping out the houses of the boys we liked, daring each other to ride past and try to see in the windows.

There won't be any of THAT going on at Planet Pink this summer (ahem), so I've got to try to come up with some things to pass the time. I'm sorta dreading summer and looking forward to it at the same time. I love the change. The relaxed feeling of having no plans. Wanna spend all day out by the pool? Sure! Decide last minute to throw some burgers on the grill for dinner? You bet! It's just nice to have a break from the monotony that day in day out school brings.

But along with the laissez faire atmosphere there is also the constant undercurrent of "I'm booooooooooooored!". Oh, if a phrase could be banned from the English language...

My "Thing"

I hate feeling like I've let my kids down. It's an inevitable part of parenthood I suppose. No one is perfect and I do feel that it is an integral part of being a parent. Kids need to see us make mistakes and own up to them and make them right. But that doesn't make it any easier.

Of course, it doesn't help that I beat myself up over it too, long after the affront has been forgotten by the princesses. My word for the year keeps hanging over my head. If I'm teaching my kids that I'm human and am going to make mistakes at times, I need to be better about allowing myself that grace as well, right?

Today, it was something small. Well, it felt big in the moment, but years from now it won't even matter. Shoot, for all I know it doesn't even matter now. And yet still, I hate that I screwed up. Why is that?

My theory? Everyone has "a thing". Something they're passionate about. The environment, politics, social justice... and those are just the biggies. There are a bazillion other little things that we choose to be passionate about, to research, promote, to devote our lives to or sometimes just a season of our lives. Right now, my life is defined by my actions as a parent. I live, eat and breathe parenthood. Everything in my world, everything revolves around my family. Even carving time out for myself still depends on my family's needs and current situations. My thing IS family. And no one likes to fail at "their thing". No one likes to make a mistake while doing "their thing". So when I make a boo boo, even a little one, it stings a bit.

The problem lies in the fact that because my "thing" is essentially life - day in and day out, mistakes are bound to happen. So I'm thinking it's time to not put all my eggs in one basket. Diversify so to speak. I want to rock parenthood, for sure. That will always be my top "thing". But there's more to me. And I want to know that even if I biff it in one area of my life one day, I've got other parts of me that are successful and meaningful. I want to be a well rounded person. I want my girls to grow up and see me passionate about things outside the 4 walls of our home. I want them to see me devote time not only to our family, but to myself and my personal interests as well. Because if I take time for myself and to pursue my passions I believe it sends a message to my girls that I'm worth that time and energy - and they are too, and deserve that in life as well.

So we'll see where this leaves me. I wrote a month or so ago about taking a big jump. And I did. Only I've been treading water ever since. It's time to get my snorkel on and dive a little deeper I think. I've got passions calling my name, and little girls that need to see their mama pursue (and achieve) a dream.

Update

The tooth we thought was lost (the first time, not the second time) was found this morning - in the very spot I thought I had left it. So, the dumpster diving hubby did was all for nothing.

Of course, Princess #2 still lost her tooth (which was technically Princess #1's tooth - are you keeping up?) at school, so we're still down one. I have a feeling that one's gonna stay lost. Probably sucked up into the abyss of an industrial vacuum cleaner by now...

Tooth Fairy - You're FIRED!

Princess #2 lost her first tooth yesterday! It has been wiggly, and wiggly and was getting close to that really disgusting stage where it's just hanging by a thread. Well, during lunch yesterday, while taking a bite out of her sandwich, princess #2 joined the ranks of gap grins. Ever grateful for a "non" eventful tooth losing (unlike Princess #1's first tooth drama), I took the tooth and with excitement building over gap-gazing and tooth fairy stories, I stuck it in a ziploc baggie and put it (I think) on the kitchen counter.

Fast forward to yesterday evening. We had had a very busy evening and the Princesses were getting off to bed late. Princess #2 requested her tooth to put under her pillow for the tooth fairy, but when I went to retrieve it from the kitchen counter, it was no where to be found. Unfortunately, we had guests over that night. Well, THAT wasn't unfortunate, but the cleaning that ensued prior to their arrival was. I could only guess that in my attempt to clear the clutter from the kitchen, I grabbed what appeared to be an empty baggie off the counter and in a true brain fart moment, threw it in the trash.

Being the rockstar daddy that hubby is, he actually went through our kitchen trash piece by piece (no, I am NOT kidding), looking for the baggie with the missing tooth. When an open, empty baggie turned up, we could only guess that the tooth had fallen into the trash can solo. He went through that mess with a fine tooth comb and found nothing. Poor Princess #2 was so sad, and I was feeling pretty badly about the whole thing. Darn obsessive need to have the house clean when people come over!

Continuing to save the day, hubby explained to a concerned Princess #2 that the Tooth Fairy now carries an iPhone on her, and she gets an instant notification complete with GPS tracking when anyone loses a tooth. So never fear, she would find Princess #2 anyway, tooth or no tooth. We got a satisfied Princess off to bed and as soon as she was asleep I tucked a one dollar bill under her pillow.

The next morning Princess #2 came to me all distraught. The Tooth Fairy didn't come! Puzzled, I followed her into her bedroom and looked all around her bed. No dollar. Seriously? First the tooth, now the money? We looked and looked all morning, under the bed, behind the bed, under the bedding, between the mattress and the bed. Finally, just as I was about to pony up yet another dollar, the lost bill emerged from the abyss between the wall and the bed. Whew.

With the mystery of the money solved, Princess #2 began to mourn the fact that she had no tooth to show her class that day. Mommy guilt hit me full force. In a last ditch effort to make things right, I snuck away while the princesses were getting ready for school and took one of Princess #1's lost teeth (yes, I've saved them. Today I was glad I did!). I put it in a little baggie and in a moment that I can't decide if I'm proud of or ashamed of, I passed it off to Princess #2 as her lost tooth. She was overjoyed at the sight of "her" tooth, and couldn't wait to get to school to show it to her friends and teacher.

Still feeling a bit uneasy about that little white lie, I picked up Princess #2 3 hours later from preschool. She got into the van without her usual bounce, and her face was all forlorn. After alot of questioning and prying she finally told me what was making her sad. SHE HAD LOST HER TOOTH AT SCHOOL!! She had it out to show her teacher, had stuck it on her backpack, then got distracted and left, only to return and not see it anywhere. I very nearly busted out laughing right there. I think maybe I shouldn't have been so grateful for the non-drama tooth losing, because the post-losing tooth drama was almost more draining. After many reassurances that we didn't really need "her" tooth, since the Tooth Fairy had already come, we left school and headed to Target to spend her tooth money at the Dollar Spot. The irony? She chose to spend her one dollar on candy - taffy to be exact.

Looks like there's going to be alot more tooth drama in the future.

Where I've Been This Week (Or, Call The White Coats, She Might Be Going Crazy!)

I'm sorry I've been completely MIA. I am having a garage sale this weekend (AKA, Why Do I Enjoy Torturing Myself?) and am in pricing, well... let's just say a not very nice place.

7 years worth of baby toys, baby gear, clothes, books, crap nice stuff.

I'm gonna cry if no one shows...

and will be in good company since Princess #4 has decided this week that she hates everybody and punctuates that opinion with crying. Alot.

But at the end of the day, this stuff with be GONE, one way or another. My house will be free of this much clutter and some baby somewhere will have new toys to play with. And that is a Good Thing. Crying or no crying. But I'd rather not cry.